Oh how I love watching Mike with the kids!! The other day I was able to watch Mike helping Emma make dinner.  Ahh the laughing teasing and learning was wonderful to watch!!  Today I was able enjoy the sound of laughing teasing and again teaching as he talked and listened to Jay and Sam.  How blessed and thankful I am for such an amazing Man!!  How loved he is by his children.  I love how he makes the time to listen to them.  To play, to tease to love.

I love how he is always wanting to go out to do things, take a hike in the woods, get them involved, teach them what he knows.  Instill a sense of adventure and love of the out doors.  Teaching them the value of work.

Oh how I wish I could capture all of this on film, but always as I rush to grab the camera I end up distracting them and loosing the moment.  So for now I will be content to cherish these memories in my mind.

Stripped bare

Today I struggle.  Those 3 little words say so much.  They can mean anything.  Today I struggle.  I struggle with Me, with self confidence, self worth.  Who am I???  Some days this plagues me.  Who am I?? A Mom, Wife, cook, housekeeper, student, teacher, cashier.  I look in the mirror and all I see is a tired face, squishy body and think really!! Where is the person I feel inside??   Some days I feel confident, pretty, not so squishy.  Others I struggle.

Today, today I struggle......I question myself, am I doing all I can for my kids, my husband, my home,  people around me, friends.  Some days I question friends do I still have those?? Some days I feel lonely, like I dont measure up, that I m not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, where is that funny, warm person.  No there may not be a rhyme or reason.  No specific event, catalyst that has brought these feelings to the forefront of my mind.  

Then as I am feeling low a feeling of overwhelming love and peace will surround me and I know my Heavenly Father loves me.  And knows how I am feeling.  And in his eyes I am of infinite worth. I am beautiful.  I am enough!!

                                                        I AM ENOUGH

Some times all it takes

It was a day and by a day I mean a pull my hair out by the hand full!!  Now the other day it was a day.  A day in which we should have all slept the day away.
Over tired Mom + over tired kids= should have taken the day off!
I couldn't in all good conscience take another mental health day as we had just finished spring break  A day when it seemed like every task asked to be completed with equated with being asked to climb Mount Everest in shorts!

 To top it off Math and I have a hate hate relationship this has been like this for ohhhhh I would say going on 25 years! Yes I have tried to talk nicely to it, make friends but alas it is not to be.
Now add it trying to teach my children who have an equally hate hate relationship with this particular subject.  I try soooo hard to be patient and instill in them a love for this dreaded subject.  but no it is not to be.

Just as I am finally ready to give up and curl up in the fetal position in the corner, rocking back and forth.  Thinking to myself am I making a difference?? Are they happy?? If not why on EARTH and I doing this!? There are days I can honestly say it feels like I am beating my head against a brick wall.  Or on my knees half of it, praying for patience.     My wonderful sweet boy pipes up and says " Mom I am so glad we homeschool.  I wish we had started a long time ago.  I NEVER want to go back to public school"

Ahhhh the sun comes out.  My heart feels lighter.  They seemed to be understanding the concept more.  Was this just a different perspective, me looking at it from a quieter place?  Maybe just maybe I am making a difference, maybe they are happy and loving this adventure.  Then looking at their happy smiling faces as they race around playing I know with out a shadow of a doubt, this is where we are supposed to be, what I am supposed to be doing.

Just those few words seemed to turn the day right around.  Was it perfect, no frustrations, or aggravation for the rest of it?? No.  But I seemed to find the patience and contentment to make it through.

Will tomorrow be wonderful, easy, the kind of day I envision it to be?? Maybe, maybe not.  But that is ok, I will take it how ever it is.  I will wake up in the morning with a positive view of the day, pray for my kids understanding of their work,  And for the patience I need.

I just have to remember to take it a day at a time, some times minute to minute, second to second.