I sat  there completely unsuspecting in  Young womens.  Little did I know there was a conversation awaiting me.  One that would invite me to face one of my greatest fears.

A knock on the door,  opening it I see The ward clerk,  never would I have suspected it to be for me.

A quick smile and glance away, no he is still there, I ask are you looking for someone?  A smile and yes the Bishop would like to see you.  Thats it my heart started to race, a new calling, being released, temple prep,  what.   No he would like you to give a talk,

I swear I was going to throw up right then and there!!

I havent given a talk since primary.  What were they thinking!! They must have the wrong person, they have no Idea what a mistake this is.  I will talk to fast like  a rabbit on speed, what if my face is so red, what if I stumble or freeze.  What if the unthinkable, unspeakable horror happens.....what if I start to.......CRY!!


Now for those of you who dont know for me to stand up in public and speak, let alone in front of people I dont really know, who are so much smarter, spiritual, confident that me.  Is the ultiamte fear, I can't talk infront of people, I'm not smart enough, knowledgeable enough,  my face goes red, I want to throw up, my heart tries to fly out of my chest.  I feel paralyzed!

  That left me with the same feeling of standing 25 feet in the air, no way back only forward on these waving ropes to the next platform.  I cant do this I scream in my head ready to cry, pass out or throw up.  What if I fall, what if I fail,  Im not good enough.  I am too scared!

But like Mike whispering behind be on that platform you can do this, you are brave enough, good enough,  I love you and Im right here.  Reminded that I am tethered to a support, safety line,  I can do it.  And even if I cant even if I stumble or cry he still loves me. and believes in me.  This gives me the strength and courage I need to move forward out in to a vast nothingness.  And yet I do it I grab that rope and carry myself rope to rope across to the next platform.  A what a feeling of accomplishment.  Maybe just maybe I can do this.

Like the support, safety line in that park, I realize I have my own built in support, safety line, A loving Heavenly Father.  I have my Heavenly Father there whispering in my ear, I am here, I can help you, You ARE enough, all you have to do is ask.

I left church with butterflies knowing I had till that evening to call the Bishop and give my answer.

Going home, I fall to my knees, asking for help, guidence, maybe an answer of you don't have to do it.  Instead , tears filled my eyes and I knew I could do it, I knew there was someone who needs to hear what I have to say, that maybe I can make a difference.  After I got up from my knees, I knew that with the help of my heavenly father, the support of my husband, the help and support of loving parents, I can do this.

As I was lying in bed after prayers, scripture study and reading over talks,  with Mike sleeping beside me.  Words start to come to my mind, a flick of the switch and I start to jot them down, and so it begins.

Am I still scared oh more than anyone will ever know.  Do I feel inadequate, yes.  I still feel like crying, screaming or just possibly throwing up.  But I will do this.  I can do this.  In this maybe just maybe I am enough.


If I can make a difference in one persons life, testimony or spirit.  Then I am content........